Well, maybe not your home.

Goldman Sachs expects home values to worsen through 2023 amid continued skyrocketing interest rates and declining housing prices and they predict that San Jose, California; San Diego, California; Austin, Texas; and Phoenix, Arizona, will likely see noticeable increases before drastic decreases of more than 25%.

As for those in Chicago, home prices are expected to dip slightly (-1.8%), while Baltimore (+0.5%) and Miami (+0.8%) will see higher prices, the firm said.

Don’t buy a home in the burbs just yet, Brian. Things could get worse before they get better.

Officials at a New Jersey high school confirmed that a grown woman who posed as a teen girl was able to attend classes at the city’s high school for several days after enrolling with fake documents. The school district superintendent noted, “She was here for four days before being found out, and barred from entering the district property. All appropriate authorities were immediately notified, and the individual in question has now been arrested for providing false documentation.”

This begs the question – the same one we ask whenever there’s a high-profile pedophilia case – why would you voluntarily spend time with a high schooler?

It’s a hard time for sexy mascots. As noted earlier this week, M&M’s have ditched the salacious green M&M (as well as the other colors) in favor of Maya Rudolph. A&W took steps this week to cover up their mascot, Rooty the Great Root Bear, after years of his bottom-half hanging loose.

Of course, this stirred up the usual suspects, many of whom were equally as fired up about the M&M’s story earlier this week.

The company, of course, later confirmed that this was a joke.

Road trippers rejoice. In partnership with Miller Transportation, the Megabus will connect Chicago with 23 cities, including Indianapolis, Louisville, and Columbus. Meagabus has decreased their presence in Chicago going back to 2016.

Tickets on most routes are $17.50 one way, but fares from Chicago to Gary have been seen for as low as $1.

According to The Athletic, Padres-turned-Sox pitcher Mike Clevinger has attacked both his wife and his 10-month-old child. The report says, According to [Olivia] Finestead (the mother of Clevinger’s daughter), she has detailed to those investigators incidents of physical, verbal and emotional abuse, including an incident from last June in which Finestead said Clevinger choked her, and another about two weeks later when she said Clevinger slapped her in a hotel room when the team was playing the Dodgers and threw used chewing tobacco on their child.”

A source familiar with MLB’s investigation process confirmed there is an open investigation on Clevinger. The source added that the White Sox became aware of the allegations after he was signed. Clevinger has not publicly commented on the allegations and his agent told The Athletic they would need “time” before responding.

Thanks, boys. Chicago Police are shifting focus to curb violent carjackings. After finding some success in fighting carjackings, CPD is partnering again with the Cook County Sheriff and launching a new program targeting stolen vehicles. The effort combines free safety hardware and pre-emptive permission from owners to track stolen vehicles.

At upcoming events, Hyundai and Kia owners can also get a limited number of free steering wheel locks. The bright yellow devices will keep the front wheels from turning. Their color will also serve to deter potential thieves. The devices are being shipped “by the pallet-full” from the car companies, according to Glen Brooks, director of CPD’s Office of Community Policing.

Listeners of Brian & Justin on Q101 (6a-10a) will have a chance to win a once-in-a-lifetime experience with Fall Out Boy. On Tuesday and Wednesday, once an hour, Brian & Justin will give away passes to the Fall Out Boy Experience in The Lounge. 8 lucky winners and their guest will get a chance to sit in on an interview with History of Alternative host Brian Philips. They will also receive a photo with the band.

***Winners of the Fall Out Boy Experience will not win tickets to Fall Out Boy’s show at Metro***

As a nation, we are constantly evolving. What was once familiar is no longer. What was once accepted is no longer. And most importantly, what was considered sexy is no longer. M&M’s and their spokescandies have caused too much of a stir. After toning down the brown and green M&M’s last year, professional bowtie wearer and heir to the Swanson TV Dinner throne, Tucker Carlson, rightfully rang the alarm bells about a future with “androgynous” M&M’s.

In a statement released on January 23, the bite-sized candy released a statement easing our worries about possible candy-related androgyny. Instead, the company is pivoting to a feminine direction. No, we aren’t getting the green M&M back in thigh-highs, unfortunately, and no matter how much the purple M&M is asking for it, we still can’t bring her the goods. Instead, human Maya Rudolph will serve as the face of the brand.

If anyone wants any links to sexy M&M’s content, please let me know.