Official Poop Knife Hits the Market

For $19.99, you can arm you and your family with one of the most needed tools around. The official Poop Knife is now available on Amazon, and we know you’re going to need this.

Designed to help big deuces drop down the toilet easier, this 9 inch pole will help break up your drops into small, more digestible pieces for the toilet. For as much tension and strife as there is around the country, the fact that we can all now own our very own Poop Knife should be able to bring us together. This is truly American innovation at its finest.

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Judge Issues Tough Love to Flirtatious Man

Romance blossomed in Florida this week as an attempted burglary suspect attempted to get a lighter sentence with some of the most genuine flattery we’ve ever heard. As soon as the man steps in front of the camera, we hear him say, “”Judge, you are so gorgeous, so gorgeous, judge.” He’s not wrong, but it didn’t help him get a lighter sentence.

Was this man in the wrong? Should you be allowed to shoot your shot, whenever and wherever? Let us know on Facebook what you think of this situation.

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Support Chicago Spotlight: Chitownpaws Pet Service

Today we shine the Support Chicago spotlight on Chitownpaws.
For over 2 years, Chitownpaws have been caring for the pets of our families in our local area.
They love caring for and connecting with animals and creating everlasting relationships. They provide care for your pet as if they were their own, and ensure that they receive the highest quality care while you’re away.

They serve:

  • Andersonville
  • Albany Park
  • Old Town
  • Avondale
  • Ravenswood
  • Bucktown
  • Depaul
  • East Village
  • River North
  • Gold Coast
  • Roscoe Village
  • Lakeview
  • St Bens
  • Lincoln Park
  • Wicker Park
  • Lincoln Square
  • Logan Square
  • Nobel Square
  • North Center
  • West Loop
  • Wrigleyville

Chitownpaws – Adam Solovy (owner)

60618, Chicago, Illinois, United States

(312) 972-8582

https://chitownpaws.com/

Check them out and SUPPORT LOCAL BUSINESS! – Tim Virgin
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Trick Shot Taken to New Heights

Put this one in the history books. Living in a post-Dude Perfect universe, it’s hard to be impressed by trick shots, but this man blew us away with this shot.

How did he decide to do this? Did he think the one thing missing from rock climbing was basketball? Did he lose a bet? Did he have more than one basketball up on the cliff or was he going to have to chase his shot if he missed? It’s amazing just how ridiculous this shot was.

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Famous Rapper Gets a Piercing You Have to See

Lil Uzi Vert, one of Philadelphia’s greatest exports, has been spotted with a 24 million dollar diamond embedded directly onto his forehead. Uzi has been known to be a weirdo, but this takes it ta a whole new level.

Jewelry professionals have noted that these types of piercings are often rejected by the body and must be abandoned relatively quickly. In Uzi’s case, we hope it stays like this. We kind of like the way it looks!

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30 Old-Timey Medical Treatments That Are INSANE

Have you ever treated malaria with “the magic word?” Or asthma with cigarettes? These are real treatments that existed in the old world.

What’s the wildest medical remedy that you remember hearing as a kid? Did any of them work? Let us know on Facebook, especially if anyone has a way to get rid the hiccups.

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Sorry Gamers: You’re More Likely to Get the COVID-19 Vaccine Before a New Xbox

Despite the murky vaccination timeline that is currently plaguing society, the leading thought seems to be that hopefully by May, we are all starting to make reservations to get the vaccine. If you’re stuck at home and you’ve quit on home yoga and you’ve run out of shows to stream, we recommend digging an old video game system out of the garage because it’s going to be nearly impossible to get the new Xbox (Xbox Series X) before the end of June, according to Microsoft.

Is it wrong that once we get the vaccine, we kind of just want to stay home and play our new Xbox? I know it’s been hard to go outside for a year now, but those graphics are so good that it feels like we’re outside.

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High School Basketball Coach Freaks Out on Bad Call

In 49 states, it’s just basketball. In Indiana it’s two-sports-in-one as not only are men focusing on getting the ball in the hoop, but a handful of coaches over time have been known to launch a chair or two onto the court. This started in 1985 when professional bully Bobby Knight whipped a chair onto the court and it happened again this week when a coach from Gary, Indiana flung a chair in the direction of the referee.

What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever seen a youth sports parent or coach do? Get in the game on Facebook and let us know what carnage you’ve seen.

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Celebrate Black History Month with a concert in your living room!

February is Black History Month and this year the Chicago Children’s Choir is bringing their annual concert to your living room!

Get all the info HERE.

And in case you missed it, Chance The Rapper, Peter CottonTale and Cynthia Erivo brought the Chicago Children’s Choir and Chicago Youth Orchestras on the Late Show after the inauguration:

goosebumps.  <3 Lauren

Whose Karen Is It?

We’ve got a doozy for you this week, folks. Someone is pissed about people accomplishing personal goals and being proud of them.

We know you’ve got an opinion on this. Join the conversation on Facebook and let us know either why this Karen is wrong, or why she kind of has a point. Go!

Should Super Bowl Monday Be a Holiday?

The way we see this, you’re either super cool for wanting to take work off after the Super Bowl, or you’re the adult equivalent of the kid that’s asked the teacher for homework. Enjoy the day off! Let this gain some momentum!

According to a recent survey, nearly 50% of people that were asked said they would gladly trade in a holiday such as President’s Day or Indigenous People’s Day to get Super Bowl Monday off instead. Another 10% said they could be talked into it depending on what teams were playing in the big game. We fully support this idea and think that it could help restore unity within our country.

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Would You Move to Tulsa for $10,000?

If you answered “yes” to the headline, you’re in luck. The city of Tulsa is offering Chicago residents $10,000 to move across the country to Oklahoma as a part of the Tulsa Remote initiative. Several people have already taken them up on this offer.

Is there a city that you just can’t live in, even if people paid you to live there? Sound off on Facebook and let us know what it would take to get you to move to your least favorite city.

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You Can Now Bid on Hitler’s Toilet Seat

If you would like to drop deuces where the world’s most evil man once did, you’re in luck. According to Alexander Historical Auctions, Hitler’s two-piece wooden toilet has remained largely untouched since the end of World War II and they think this could go for $15,000, if not more.

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve bid on? Is there something that you just had to have for no reason at all? Let us know on Facebook.

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Dreams Can Come True in ‘Hollyboob’

There’s something incredible about the lengths that people will go to target the Hollywood sign for their own, sick jokes. We’ve seen the sign read ‘Hollyweed’ before, but no one could’ve predicted the ‘Hollyboob’ change that led to six arrests this week. Mainly because no one knows what the hell ‘Hollyboob’ means.

Unfortunately, six people were arrested earlier this week that were connected to the ‘Hollyboob’ scandal. The sign was not vandalized so they can’t be charged with that, but they can be hit with criminal trespassing.

We think it was worth it.

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Man Snowboards in Chicago’s Streets!

Okay, maybe all of this snow isn’t such a bad thing. At least one resident made the most of it as he was towed through the city’s streets on a snowboard.

What’s the craziest thing you’ve done in the snow? Can it top this? As far as we know, this man didn’t suffer any injuries which is super impressive. Let us know on Facebook.

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St. Patrick Day parades canceled for the second year due to coronavirus

Another cancellation.  St. Patrick Day parades have been canceled for the second year in a row due to coronavirus.

The Downtown and South Side parades are typically held in mid-March to honor the city’s large Irish American population for St. Patrick’s Day are not happening this year.

Ald. Brian Hopkins (2nd) told the Sun-Times that City Hall won’t issue permits for parades or large gatherings during the first quarter of the year due to the pandemic, meaning the parades are canceled. Organizers of the South Side Irish Parade are trying to think of other ways to celebrate, they told the Sun-Times.

Guess I am drinking green beer alone in my crib again this year. – Tim Virgin

 

(Block Club Chicago)

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LEGO Releases “White Noise” Playlist

 

Are you stressed out? … Anxiety getting to you?  Well, why don’t you try out the newest white noise playlist made by … LEGOS!

LEGO is officially a music artist. LEGO’s entire mix is made up of the sounds of LEGO bricks. In a press statement, they explained that “Each LEGO element makes a unique noise, which is why designers experimented with over 10,000 in their quest for the perfect soothing sounds”.

There are seven 30-minute tracks on the “White Noise” playlist, and each showcases a different sound made by the toys.  It’s kind of relaxing. Try it out!

 

(Consequence of Sound)

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Aragon Ballroom’s exterior wall partially collapses

I have been worried about some of my neighbor’s roofs after the enormous amount of snowfall we had this weekend, some of them seem to be visibly weighed down and real damage can occur from the heavy weight.  Just like what happened to our beloved Aragon Ballroom at about 7:45 this morning.  Heavy snow on the roof made an exterior wall give way and collapse onto the red line tracks and alley below, taking out an outdoor staircase with it.  The good news is no one was hurt.

Photos courtesy of my bud Doug Mendralla:

<3 Lauren

Summerfest getting pushed back

The good news is I am not going to tell you another music festival is being cancelled ie: Coachella and Stagecoach, the bad news is Summerfest, typically held over 11 days in Milwaukee June and July, has been postponed to September…  more from Rolling Stone HERE.

“festival organizers announced that Summerfest will not be held in June and July for the second year in a row. Instead, it’s moving its 2021 celebration to September 2nd through 18th “to give health professionals more time to vaccinate the general public.”

“While the progress made through the vaccine rollout is encouraging, we believe it is in the public’s best interest to hold the festival in September to give government leaders and healthcare organizations enough time to distribute the vaccine,” said Don Smiley, President & Chief Executive Officer of Milwaukee World Festival, Inc. “We will continue to work diligently with civic officials and healthcare professionals as we prepare to welcome artists, fans, employees, vendors and sponsorship partners this summer.  Our team is excited to get back to what we do best, as soon as possible.”

Hope this doesn’t cause me any Riot Fest conflicts… Are you planning on hitting up any festivals this year?

Tweet me about it: <3 Lauren

(Photo my moi)