The two worst people on Earth were supposed to fight. There are people far more evil and destructive than these two, but something about Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerburg…it’s terrible. They’re just twerps. They’re dorks. Their substantial wealth is just so uncool.
Anyways, the two dorks were going to fight, but Musk’s mom stepped in and said no.
I think we all got dumber because of this story.
This is real. A man on TikTok has figured out how to communicate with cats and it works to an astonishing degree. Take a look.
Please, give this a shot and send us the results. We’d love to see you talking to your cat.
Every year, Riot Fest not only brings some of the best bands on Earth to Douglass Park, but they get some of those bands to play some of their most legendary albums in their entirety. Upon viewing the list of Album Plays for 2023, I was overcome with excitement because each and every one of these albums, I would describe as “lit”.
Without further ado, here’s a chance to get familiar with Riot Fest 2023 Album Plays.
Originally a side project for Kim Deal, bassist and vocalist for the highly-influential Pixies, Last Splash was recorded shortly after the dissolution of the Pixies (a breakup that Deal allegedly found out about via fax), causing Deal to give this record her undivided attention. Enlisting her twin sister, Kelley, and a highly-skilled rhythm section, the shining star of the Pixies produced magic with this record. Last Splash sounds like a simpler time. Each song is challenging intellectually, yet soothing sonically. The off-kilter instrumentation that made the Pixies stand out is present throughout this record, especially on smash-hit “Cannonball”, which remains a standout of alternative rock’s golden era.
The album that was ranked the 35th Best Album of the 1990’s by Pitchfork and 39th by SPIN comes to Douglass Park on Friday, September 15.
You might not know the name Walter Schreifels, but your favorite band probably does. An effervescent force in alternative’s various subcultures, Schreifels is an under appreciated genius. The 54-year-old is also pulling triple-duty at Riot Fest 2023, doing Album Plays for Quicksand and Rival Schools, two bands he fronted, and Gorilla Biscuits, the revolutionary punk band that he played guitar for.
The New York-born musician will kick off his weekend celebrating 30 years of Slip, Quicksand’s debut full-length and an iconic entry into the post-hardcore catalogue. After playing unrelenting and in-your-face tracks with Gorilla Biscuits, he pivoted to a band that was just as intense, but approached things in a different, more melodic manner. Quicksand, and this record in particular, paved the way for bands like Deftones and Thursday to thrive.
In an interview celebrating the 30th anniversary of Slip, Rise Against frontman Tim McIlrath described his experience with the album, “When I heard Slip for the first time, it sounded to me like a series of perfect decisions. At every crossroads, the songs take turns that were so satisfying to my high school freshman ears. I was starting to dabble in songwriting, but this album was so good that I remember thinking to myself, “Why bother?”
Celebrate 30 years of Slip on the first day of Riot Fest 2023.
There’s a lot of debate online about what emo is, and more importantly, isn’t. I won’t bore you with that conversation. All you need to know is that if you are ever confronted by a gang of vigilante music journalists who question your knowledge on emo, you should be able to thwart them by merely saying that Braid’s 1998 output, Frame & Canvas, is a perfect example of midwest emo.
Braid are from Champaign, Illinois, a hot bed for anthemic, emotional records like this. Over the course of three decades, the band has released four albums, none of which were better than Frame & Canvas. At 12 songs, the record is dripping with a certain amount of yearning that could only be conjured up in an Illinois basement. It’s middle America, but it’s also universal. It’s emotional, but it’s also tough. It’s aggressive, but in the sweetest way possible.
Despite coming up along the likes of bands like Jawbreaker, The Promise Ring, and The Get Up Kids, Braid never got the pop that those bands did. Despite having all of the jangly riffs and big choruses that you would want from a 2000’s emo record, it was ahead of the curve, and thus Braid missed out on sweet, commercial bliss. As a result, Frame & Canvas remains an under-the-radar gem.
When Vulture ranked the 100 Best Emo Songs of All Time in 2020, it crowed Braid’s “A Dozen Roses” at #36. I could argue it deserves to be bumped up a few spots. You’ll have your chance to hear that song, as well as the other 11 glorious tracks on Frame & Canvas, at Riot Fest 2023 on September 15.
Give Up was never supposed to be what it turned into. Now a platinum release, The Postal Service started out as a side-project for Death Cab for Cutie frontman Ben Gibbard and musician Jimmy Tamborello (fka Dntel). It has since become an album known for iconic breakup anthems and an appearance in a UPS commercial. Gibbard, unexpectedly, reached truly great heights with this 2003 release.
20 years after the fact, nothing sounds like Give Up. Seattle record label Sup Pop were firmly removed from “the Seattle sound” that they helped cultivate with Nirvana and fully in their indie era, having found success with The Shins and their 2001 release, Oh, Inverted World. Sonically, Give Up is far closer to a Shins record, but Give Up ultimately has come to have the same seismic level of influence that Nirvana’s Bleach had when Sub Pop released in in 1989.
Now as a part of the Death Cab for Cutie / Postal Service 20th Anniversary Tour, Gibbard, Jenny Lewis, and the rest of the band are bringing their unmistakable electro-rock record to Douglass Park as a part of Saturday night’s headlining festivities.
Death Cab for Cutie: Transatlanticism
Ben Gibbard, certified crazy man, will also be performing the iconic Transatlanticism on Saturday night. Released in October 2003, eight months after The Postal Service dropped Give Up, Gibbard staked his claim as having one of music’s most enriching years of all-time. Most bands never make one classic album; he dropped two in the same year.
To this point in history, Death Cab had slowly been inching their way to sounding like a “rock” band. Early records felt sparse and sounded lo-fi. They captured something with “A Movie Script Ending“, the standout from 2001’s The Photo Album, then turned everything up a level on Transatlanticism. There are a lot of bands that sound like Death Cab – whether it be Bright Eyes, The Shins, or The Decembrists, but none of them have shot life into the arm of alternative music the way that Death Cab have and continue to do. Those are not arena bands. This album cultivated a sound that has the intimacy of a dorm room, yet could fill a stadium.
In 2004, the band celebrated the critical and commercial success of this tour by playing around the country, including Q101’s 2004 Block Party. This time, they bring the fun to Douglass Park.
Think about where you were in 2001. Now think about what Q101 was playing in 2001. The first Rival Schools album, United By Fate, which features the aforementioned Walter Schreifels once again behind the mic, feels like something that should’ve been a huge hit in 2001. Alas, the powers that be had other ideas in mind. Rival Schools never popped. They went away for a decade, then put out another two, lesser records in 2011 and 2013. It took another decade for Schreifels to dust off the Rival Schools branding, but they’ve done so for Saturday night at Riot Fest.
A recent retrospective on the album described its “Nirvana vibe of High Acetate” and “the gentler romance and longing of Undercover’s On, Schreifels’ astonishing, gritty but warm vocals a familiar old friend.”
It’s true. Even if you’ve never heard this album before, it feels familiar, like worn denim, upon first-listen. It’s shockingly accessible. The hookier sounds present choruses that feel like a simple equation that even the most math-illiterate student could solve. This band makes sense. It’s their lack of recognition that is baffling.
With The Ben Gibbard Show taking over Saturday night, it was very nice of Riot Fest to present this Album Play in the early afternoon on Saturday.
I’m embarrassed by how much I like Danzig.
To me, there’s three camps that you can stand in when it comes to Evil Elvis. You can be in Group 1, a largely unself-aware group of people who think Danzig is cool. I do not think Danzig is cool. I think he rocks. It’s different. These people will be on the barricade when Danzig takes over the Aragon as a part of the Riot Fest Late Night series. Group 2 is full of people who take themselves too seriously. They think they are cool, thus they do not see that Danzig rocks. Then there’s Group 3. I call this place home. They acknowledge that Danzig is sort of a goofball, but he’s a goofball that’s fun to have around. I do not aspire to act like or look like Danzig, but I have the utmost appreciation for what he’s done. You’ll be able to find me at the back of the Aragon, stoically enjoying his performance.
Riot Mike is the Danzig Whisperer. He’s played every incarnation of this festival. In 2011, Danzig played a career-spanning set at the Congress Theater. In 2013, he was in Humboldt Park belting out tracks from Danzig 25th Anniversary Tour. In 2016, Riot Fest accomplished the impossible by reuniting The Original Misfits for the first time in 33 years. A year later, Danzig stormed Douglass Park with a thrilling set celebrating Danzig III. Then last year, The Original Misfits returned to headline Saturday night with a set celebrating 40 years of Walk Among Us.
Look, there’s been a lot of Danzig at Riot Fest, and we’re happy about it.
This year at the Aragon, he’s bringing Danzig, his demonic, bluesy debut, produced by Rick Rubin, with tracks like “Twist of Cain” and the eternal “Mother”.
Tickets are available here.
You simply cannot tell the story of punk rock without Start Today. A canonical entry into the hardcore scene, the mythical Walter Schreifels closes out his weekend on guitar (outspoken frontman Anthony “Civ” Civarelli does vocals for GB) for one of punk’s greatest records. From DJ Steve Aoki to Travis Barker (who can be spotted in the background of this live performance), this record has touched a who’s who in the alternative industry.
I can’t even remember the first time I heard Start Today. Once it entered my life, it never left. It’s everything that makes hardcore special. It’s wild, unpredictable, and poignant. There’s an urgency to this record that is unique to this genre, specifically. Even if the issues they are singing about (politics with the Washington DC scene, ethics of stage diving, etc.) are 30 years old, this album sounds like something real is happening and it’s happening now.
Far from the glossiest record, Start Today is still a studio masterpiece. In front of a rabid crowd, however, is where Gorilla Biscuits thrive. Very few punk bands age gracefully. It’s a young man’s game, and very few have what it takes to hang with the kids once they lose “it”. Gorilla Biscuits have never lost “it”. They still pack big rooms, get people rowdy, and crush it with every tour date that comes their way.
You have a chance to witness punk rock history with the Start Today set on Sunday, September 17.
The Breeders will play Last Splash in its entirety at Riot Fest September 15th. Watch the video for the previously unreleased “Go Man Go” here. The 30th anniversary edition of Last Splash will be released on September 22nd.
Last Splash (30th Anniversary Original Analog Edition) Tracklist:
01. New Year
02. Cannonball
03. Invisible Man
04. No Aloha
01. Roi
02. Do You Love Me Now?
03. Flipside
04. I Just Wanna Get Along
05. Mad Lucas
06. Divine Hammer
07. S.O.S
08. Hag
09. Saints
10. Drivin’ on 9
11. Roi (Reprise)
12”
01. Go Man Go
02. Divine Mascis
Our hearts go out to this man who recently took to TikTok to share a story about a horrific first date experience that he had.
We’re thinking this guy dodged a bullet.
One of our favorite Internet trends is back in a big way. A TikTok trend took off last winter that saw young people tell their parents that their favorite celebrity was dead, even though they weren’t. That trend is back, and the results are hilarious.
In case anyone needed clarification, Eminem and Bon Jovi, among others, are still alive.
A lawsuit claims they’ve been rolling back the odometers on their used delivery trucks, so they can sell them for more money. If true, it might be the largest odometer fraud scheme ever.
A new lawsuit accuses them of rolling back the odometers on thousands of old delivery trucks, and then selling them for more than they were worth. They used to scrap their trucks when they hit 350,000 miles. But according to a lawsuit says that around 2011, they created a new revenue stream and started selling them.
A commercial truck dealer in Nevada says he found out about it after he sold an old FedEx truck in 2017. The odometer said 180,000 miles. But when the seller hooked it up to a computer, it actually had over 400,000 miles on it. That is a massive difference.
Rick Astley teamed up with UK indie rock band Blossoms to perform a full set of The Smiths covers at Glastonbury on Saturday. The 16-song set featured “This Charming Man,” “Bigmouth Strikes Again,” “How Soon Is Now?” and watch here “There Is A Light That Never Goes Out”
This Charming Man
What Difference Does It Make?
Bigmouth Strikes Again
Cemetry Gates
Ask
Hand in Glove
Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others
The Boy With the Thorn in His Side
Girlfriend in a Coma
Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now
Panic
William, It Was Really Nothing
Barbarism Begins at Home
Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want
How Soon Is Now?
There Is a Light That Never Goes Out
It’s that time. After hearing about it for a year, the Chicago NASCAR Street Race is upon us. If you are unaware, here’s everything you need to know about the traffic changes going on this week.
Starting Monday, a NASCAR street race hotline will open up for anyone that may have questions related to the street race. Contact 888-629-7223 for more information.
A Kentucky legend has gone viral in the afterlife after his buddy’s posted an incredible obituary after his untimely death.
Here’s how James Loveless’ obituary reads:
“As a gluttonous eater of fried foods and snack cakes, as well as the occasional chili cheese dog, James, tried in vain to give up the ghost by clogging his arteries and having a stroke in 2015. His twin boys, Rocky and Rodney, had other plans and made him go to the hospital. While waiting in the ER at the hospital, he was heard saying, “Let’s make a break for it!”, only to be heard by one of the hospital staff and forced to go through the procedure. He wasn’t too excited about the prospect, but went anyway.
“On many occasions in life, James was seen in his back yard at the trailer park during the early hours of the morning, hammering beers, standing over country-style ribs, and yelling, “It’s got a head like a cat on it!”, while nearby neighbors would peek out their windows bearing looks of disgust and amazement, as his party guests were slurring remarks about needing to speed up his cooking style. “We’ve been here since 5 o’clock,” they would say. “I’ve got work in the morning.“
“We don’t know if he was married, but he definitely was a lady’s man. There was Kathy, Mary Lou, Tammy, Debra, Carrie, Tina, etc., etc. “It’s the bones”, he told us as proudly pointed his skinny, pasty-white legs. “Women love a good shin”. We think he might even have some females waiting for him on the other side. Jamie loved his family more than anything else in the world…except ice-cold Busch, room-temperature Busch, T-bones, New York strip, prime rib, shrimp, swimming, poker, hatch-back Mustang GTs, tank-tops, Kentucky Men’s basketball, and his personal copy of Eddie Murphy’s Raw.
“He leaves behind his second-favorite son, Rocky(and Lizeth) Loveless of Arizona City, AZ, his favorite son, Rodney Loveless of Science Hill, KY, a younger brother, Joey, and unofficial daughter Melissa(and Coy) Vance of the trailer park, as well as a pair of old boxers which have ‘Buttweiser the King of Rears’ printed on the design. He will be moderately missed.”
We hope we can one day be remembered as such.
In one of the most genius celebrity endorsement deals ever, Maury Povich is now producing a line of at-home paternity tests.
Povich, who retired from his talk show last year, is now bringing the “The Results Are In” test to market. “I’ve been around paternity testing for more than 20 years, so I know exactly what’s going on and how we can help those people who are looking for fathers, fathers who are looking for children, fathers who don’t think they’re the fathers and fathers who think they’re the fathers,” Povich told TMZ.
The talk show host explained that the kits would be through DNA Diagnostics Center, the same company that ran tests with a “99.9%” accuracy rate on “Maury” for over two decades.
The Postal Service have announced a new live album Everything Will Change, commemorating the 10th anniversary of the tour that commemorated the 10th anniversary of the band’s one and only studio album Give Up. The double LP is set for release on September 8th.
Tracklist:
01. The District Sleeps Alone Tonight
02. We Will Become Silhouettes
03. Sleeping In
04. Turn Around
05. Nothing Better
06. Recycled Air
07. Be Still My Heart
08. Clark Gable
09. Our Secret [Beat Happening]
10. This Place Is a Prison
11. There’s Never Enough Time
12. A Tattered Line of String
13. Such Great Heights
14. Natural Anthem
15. (This Is) The Dream of Evan and Chan [Dntel]
16. Brand New Colony
See The Postal Service And Death Cab For Cutie at Riot Fest in September.
Recently a man injured himself on the Price is Right when he dislocated his shoulder while celebrating a win.
Which got me thinking, what is the weirdest injury you have suffered and how did it happen? I blew out both of my knees while racing to catch a cab in Wrigley. A pivotal moment because it was the first injury that wasn’t “funny.” I hit the pavement so hard instead of giggling all of Clark Street went silent and showed much concern. The older you get the less funny it is to hurt yourself because of the possibility of hospital visits I presume… P.S. Henry is fine and won a trip to Hawaii <3 Lauren
A recent NBC 5 report has detailed the growing trend known as “forest therapy”, which is aimed at getting kids off of screens and into the wilderness. This charge is being led by The Conservation Foundation in Naperville.
The half-day camp on Macdonald Farm has helped children check in with how nature makes their bodies feel.
Is this not just “going outside”? Why does everything need a fancy name now?
A man is going viral for how he treats his bananas.
Are you in favor of what this man is doing to save a few pennies? The conversation lives on Facebook!
In one of the weirdest stories ever, the stepson of a sailor lost at sea has revealed himself to be a massive Blink-182 fan. Such a big fan, in fact, that he still showed up to a Blink-182 gig despite his stepfather being stranded at sea.
It would appear, judging from a later tweet, that the band did indeed give him hope and cheer him up.
As of now, no progress has been made on recovering the people lost at sea.
Say what you will about Aaron Rodgers, but he at least knew that he owned the Bears. Years of dominating the Bears made him very comfortable with running his mouth against our squad. Jordan Love, on the other hand, still has a ways to go.
Love took to social media over the weekend to wish Bears fans a Happy Father’s Day.
This would imply that Love would be our…son? We’re his daddy? What’s going on here? How did he mess this up so bad? Why do we sort of miss Aaron Rodgers kicking our ass?
When did adults stop being fun?
A high school senior in Philadelphia was denied her diploma after she “hit the griddy” on stage at her high school graduation. Her principal, who is certainly giving Karen vibes, told her to hit the bricks after she busted a move. You can see the video below.
“I was so embarrassed. I couldn’t even enjoy the rest of the graduation,” said Hafsah Abdur-Rahman, the student in question. She continued, “If they thought that I shouldn’t do ‘The Griddy’ across the stage and do the Girls’ High traditions, nobody should have been able to wave or blow kisses or do period signs because I feel like that’s the same thing. I feel like that’s unfair.”
Who is in the wrong here? The conversation lives on Facebook!
