A man in Austria was doing his business early in the morning when a five-foot python slithered through the drains and bit him on his backside. The python belonged to a neighbor, which somehow makes all of this worse. The bite victim, a 65-year-old man, noted that he “felt a ‘nip’ in the genital area” after plopping down on the toilet.

The victim sustained only minor injuries, police said. Those injuries being a BITE TO THE GENITAL AREA. Sounds pretty major to us!

Roselle, this is your chance to legalize it! Residents can sound off on whether to allow recreational marijuana sales in their community at a public hearing Tuesday at the Roselle Village Hall. Per Fox 32, “Residents were asked should the village allow retail stores to sell cannabis to adults and whether the town should allow the “craft, growing, infusion, cultivation, processing and transportation of that cannabis,” within state guidelines.

The public hearing at the village hall Tuesday at 7 p.m. will give residents another chance to weigh in and start the conversation about the conditions for opening a business. Security measures, hours of operation and buffer requirements for the site are all details that would still need to work out.

A couple of years ago, the World Health Organization classified “workplace burnout” as a legitimate health issue a year after a professor at Stanford suggested over 150,000 Americans die on a yearly basis as a result of the “work” aspect of the “work-life balance” outweighing the latter to a fatal degree. There is now a growing push to change the American work week to a four-day week in an effort to curb work-related stress and health issues.

A new Icelandic study that took place over four years tracked 2,500 workers who worked for 35-36 hours a week. productivity remained the same or improved for the majority of workplaces, the study said. Participants worked at various places such as hospitals, offices, playschools and social service offices.

Dad move of the year. We have to respect the commitment to catching the ball, baby, and beer all in the same play.

Two men in Virginia spread their seed all over their community by robbing a connivence store with melons over their noggins.

One of these men, a 20-year-old, was arrested shortly after and charged with wearing a mask in public while committing larceny as well as stealing alcohol while underage. Police are losing their rinds trying to find the other suspect.

There is no better way to honor this great country than to wake up your neighbors in the middle of the night by pretending to be a firework. This man totally gets it.

We double dog dare someone to give this a shot in their neighborhood tonight. We’re sure your neighbors will think it’s very funny and not troublesome.

Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my liver recovery fuel. Researches say that coffee can reduce liver damage that’s associated with overindulging in food and alcohol. The study found that regular indulgences of coffee can drastically reduce the chances of cirrhosis.

More information on the study can be found here.