In Arizona, police arrested a woman for trying to set her boyfriend on fire. That, by itself, is very bad. There’s no good reasoning for trying to light your significant other (or anyone for that matter) on fire, but this is compounded by the fact that she tried to light him on fire because he didn’t celebrate her being awarded a job at Subway.

Naturally, the 46-year-old woman is now facing charges of aggravated assault and criminal damage. “Criminal damage” is a very kind way of saying “tried to light someone on fire”. Oh, Arizona, we hope you stay weird. It’s tough to say that we hope you keep trying to light people on fire, but we at least hope they keep on trying to light people on fire because it’s madly entertaining for us Chicagoans.