Eric

Weekends

Funeral Directors Trying To Cut Out “Selfies”

Apparently, Canada has a selfie problem.  A selfie with a dead body problem, to be more exact.

Funeral directors in that country are trying to figure out how best to spread the word that it is not in the best of tastes to snap a photo with the dearly departed.  I would have figured such activities would already be sort of — you know, FROWNED UPON?  But apparently as the calendar turns, what is uncivilized for one generation is lost on the next.

So let me be the first to stand up and say — NO SELFIES AT FUNERALS.  (Someone had to do say it.)

While on the subject of mobile phone etiquette, lets cover Eric’s Undisputed Rules Of Mobile Phone Usage:

  • DON’T TEXT AND DRIVE:  Have you ever witnessed someone pulling it off successfully?  No, no you haven’t.  You are more likely to have someone want to make contact with you using a closed fist rather than an raised open palm.  So don’t do it.  That means EVERYONE.  ALWAYS.
  • DON’T HOLD A CONVERSATION ON PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION:  No one cares that – like – your mother – like – ALWAYS sucks the fun out of life and – like – that’s the reason why you can’t deal, Stephanie.  NOBODY.
  • DON’T WALK WITH YOUR HEAD BURIED IN YOUR PHONE:  Ladies…eyes up here!
  • DITCH THE PHONE AT DINNER:  Answer a text from the babysitter?  Sure.  Glance at a sports score? Absolutely.  Scroll Facebook conversations while you could be having a REAL conversation with REAL friends?  Do you see the problem here?
  • DON’T BROWSE TINDER IN PUBLIC:  BRUH.  Swipe later.
  • NO REALLY…DON’T TEXT AND DRIVE!:  Listen, I know you think you can handle this, but you simply cannot deal.  Ditch the phone.
  • GROWN UP?  USE A GROWN UP RING/TEXT TONE:  This should go without saying, but flatulence alerting you to a new message stopped being funny in 2002.
  • YOUR PHONE IS NOT MADE FOR PORN:  While the internet is for porn, do you think your 5.6″ mobile phone screen is the best option?  This also avoids the embarrassment of unintentionally pulling up your last RedTube session in front of the crowded Brown Line train.  We don’t all need to know what trips your trigger.