The Cubs Gear People Will Be DYING To Buy

Cubs Coffin

“The Cubs finally win the World Series…now I can die!”  And you can plan to do so in true fanatic style, my friend.  Check out this seemingly affordable Cubs-branded casket from the greatest mega retailer to ever come out of Bentonville, Arkansas!

Let us count all the benefits, shall we? First, a low, low everyday price.  (Check.)  Second?  It’s on SALE.  (Boom.)  In addition, is that rich Corinthian leather I see?  (It just might be!)

And last but not least, your mortal remains can spend eternity with a logo that no longer represents lukewarm futility served with a side of everlasting hope.

In short, this last request of a dying Cubs fan is the new hotness.

In short, this new request of a dying Cubs fan is the last thing you will ever need.  Literally.

(Wow.  Just…wow.  Thanks for the recycle, RedEye!)